Random Bits 1
by Nashiil
Summary: Reposted! Hopefully the problem has been fixed! Please continue to enjoy this tale of utter nonsense!
1. Chapter 1

Title: Random Bits 1 - Chapter 1

Setting: Yuna, Rikku, and Lulu have gone to the beach for a Girls Only day.

**Besaid Village - **Around noon. Auron, Wakka, Kimahri, and Tidus are enjoying each other's company in Tidus' tent while the girls are away.

Auron sat on the little couch, a scowl crouching comfortably on his face as he tried to stay as far away from Wakka as the couch would allow. Wakka squirmed uncomfortably. He just _knew_ that Auron was Cursing him. He could practically hear the older man thinking '_Die Wakka, Die, Die, Diii-iiii-iiiiii-iiiieeee!'_

"I'm so bored!" Tidus whined from his bed. Auron groaned inwardly, but remained seated when all he wanted to do was jump up and shove his sword down the boy's throat. Auron had agreed to meet his friends in Tidus' tent only because it was large enough to fit everyone comfortably.

"Sooooo _bored_!" Tidus sighed again. "I wish Yuna would come back. You guys are a bunch of stiffs. No offense Auron. And she smells better that you guys, too." he glanced pointedly at Kimahri.

The Ronso snarled. Seeing Tidus' imminent Death, Wakka quickly intervened. "Hey, let's all play a game" he suggested. (Death by Ronso was not one of the tidiest ways to die. It took forever to scrape the pieces off the walls and furniture, and the stains never came out.)

"I'd rather gouge out my other eye." Auron muttered vehemently.

"And I would rather kiss a chocobo's butt!" Tidus grumbled. "The last time we played a game, my shorts ended up filled with sand!"

"And hung from a palm tree. Yeah, I remember that." Auron said with more than the necessary touch of amusement.

Tidus frowned and was silent for a while. It didn't last long. "I'm soooo booorree!" Auron clapped a hand over Tidus' mouth. "Then let's liven things up." he said with a smile that could have sent a Chocobo Eater running for cover.

"I'll do anything!" Tidus nearly shouted, scrambling off the bed to stand in front of Auron. He practically vibrated with eagerness.

"Streak through the village."

**Besaid** - **Beach** - Yuna and Lulu are taking in the sun while Rikku builds a sandmachina.

Yuna sat up on her towel and shivered as an icy chill skittered down her back. "Are you alright?" Lulu asked as Yuna rubbed the goosebumps on her bare arms.

"Yeah, I just got this sudden chill."

**Besaid - Village** - Still in the tent.

"You got it!" Tidus replied, gleefully pulling off various articles of clothing. Auron would later become a gillionaire after editing the sphere and adding sleazy background music, then selling thousands of copies to Luca's female population.

Kimahri grabbed a paw-full of Tidus' hair as the boy tried to run out of the tent. "Tidus forgetting rules." the Ronso growled with a gruesome smile.

"Rules!" Tidus squeaked, pulling away with a reproachful look.

"That's right, brudda. In Spira, streaking follows rules." Wakka chimed in. "It makes things more interesting. Auron, I think it's Kimahir's turn, ya?"

"Yeah." The veteran Guardian said, mildly disappointed that it was not his turn.

Kimahri grunted in satisfaction and began. "1. Tidus must keep Tidus' hands above waist. 2. Tidus must 'kweh!' like chocobo at all times. 3. Tidus must do girly spin on toes whenever some one screams."

Any doubts Tidus was having were squashed by Pride and kicked under a bush where Better Judgment wouldn't find them. "No problem!" he scoffed, not wanting his friends to think he was chocobo (that's 'chicken' to all of you non-Spirans).

"Now, about the course," Auron began, enjoying the way the boy paled.

"There's a course!"

Kimahri nodded solemnly, while Auron and Wakka snickered and elbowed each other. "Tidus run big circle inside Temple. Run to Crusaders' Lodge and ask female at desk for lotion to put on strange rash!"

"But I don't have a rash!" Tidus snarled in indignation.

The big blue Ronso scratched an ear thoughtfully for a moment. There was a flurry of movement and Tidus squeaked, dancing a few steps away, with a big red welt in the shape of Kimahri's big blue hand on his backside.

"Ask female at desk for lotion to put on strange rash" the Ronso reiterated while Wakka and Auron wiped tears from their eyes. "Then run to elderly female sitting by Item Shop and ask for help with lotion. Then go roll in dirt outside village gates."

"That's it?" Tidus asked, choosing his words carefully, and keeping his voice neutral lest Kimahri add more to the list. The three older males nodded. "Think you can handle it?" Auron drawled. There was an insult in there somewhere, but Tidus just did not have the time to look for it. "You bet!" he returned, striking his classic pose.

"Ich! Don't do that when you're naked!" Wakka exclaimed with a shudder. Just because he was told not to, Tidus did it anyway. He danced around the tent in fact. (I'm sure there is some Law of the Universe that states that : When people between the ages of 4 and 35, especially men for some reason, are told not to do something, regardless of what it is, they will do it anyway, just on principle. Everyone knows it's the principle of the thing!)

Thinking quickly, Auron shoved the boy out of the tent as soon as his orbit brought him to the tent flap. Tidus stumbled out into the light and froze. "Hey! There's people out here!" Tidus yelped. "Start 'kwehing' you big crybaby." A voice hissed from the bowels of the tent. Tidus gulped and, flinging his arms up over his head, tore off towards the temple, a shrill 'kweh!' shattering the quiet of mundane island life. "There he goes." Wakka said, pulling a stool out of the tent to sit on.

That's it for chapter 1. Let me know what you think. Please review it or Tidus will cry. You don't want to make Tidus cry, do you?


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Random Bits 1 - Chapter 2

Setting: Yuna, Rikku, and Lulu are still enjoying their Girls Only day, while the men have found a way to amuse themselves.

**Besaid **- **Village** - Tidus is just beginning the end of his social life while the older Guardians look on. The village is about to get the shock of its life.

Tidus ran up the steps of the temple with the grace of an angry chimpanzee, and darted inside. He was just finished convincing himself that everything was going to be okay (on account of how dark the inside of the temple was) when he streaked passed the new Maester as he was blessing the newest batch of Summoners (It's never quite dark enough, quiet enough, or busy enough when you are trying to be inconspicuous!). One of the Summoners screamed, alerting the others, who took up the call; At which point Tidus attempted to run and pirouette at the same time while trying to outrun the Maester _and _the Head Priest.

In a tumult of screams and 'Kweh's, the young blitzball player burst from the temple and did a Jecht Shot off the steps and into the crowd that had assembled to welcome the new Summoners. The crowd shrieked with a mixture of reactions, revulsion being the predominant one as Tidus spun overhead and landed. (Yeah, the Jecht Shot looks cool, but only because the guy has clothes on when he does it. It's a shot that's just not meant to be done naked.) The crowd parted around him like he had some kind of disease. For all they knew, the glowing red mark on his butt _was_ a disease.

'Kweh'ing, and twirling with his arms above his head, Tidus broke free of the crowd and bolted for the relative safety of the Crusaders' Lodge. Auron and his two companions howled with laughter as the blond boy shot out moments later amidst a hail of Items.

"Is he allowed to do that?" Wakka inquired, looking uncertainly at Auron as Tidus began scrabbling among the broken cobbles for the rarer Items. (Like he had somewhere to carry them) Auron glanced at Kimahri, who showed his ignorance with a shrug of his massive shoulders. "Didn't make rule about not picking things up." he rumbled.

Auron turned back to the spectacle just as Tidus asked the old woman sitting by the Item Shop if she wanted to apply the lotion for him. They winced in unison as the old woman pulled a cane out of nowhere and shoved it into a very personal area, and then cracked Tidus over the head as he doubled over from the first blow. The older Guardians howled and guffawed as Tidus, remembering to keep his hands up, ran for the village gates at a fast hobble. They were all more than slightly surprised that the Jecht Spawn could still walk, let alone move. Laughter fell silent and hovered uncertainly at the gates as Tidus fell to the ground and started rolling in the dirt. It would have been the funniest part of the whole prank, if the 'X's hadn't been standing there, having just returned from their Girls Only day.

Yuna and Rikku both shrieked and covered their eyes in modesty/horror, while Tidus attempted to pirouette while rolling on the ground. Lulu looked right at Tidus' tent, as if she _knew._ She looked like she was going to explode. That was when the laughter died.

Inside the tent, as thunder rumbled ominously in the distance, Kimahri turned to his two companions and rumbled "Going to need Auto Life's."

The End.

* * *

It's done! Send some reviews, or Lulu will fry you! 


End file.
